Saturday, December 10, 2016

21 and still figuring everything out.

So here is me, sitting on my bed in my room alone with a cup of tea and a Cadbury milk chocolate. Today is 10 Dec which means that by 12 am tonight or practically 7 am tomorrow I’ll turn 21. Officially 21 and I’m freaking out.

How do I start this? Huh.. so two years ago I decided to fly to Egypt pursuing Islamic Law and Studies here and since now, I’ve learned a lot but first, let me give a short thought. I remember this is never my dream but I vividly remember that this is always my dad’s since I was a kid he always talking about this, and adores any alumni that come back from Egypt particularly Al Azhar Uni.
So, my decision two years ago is one of the scariest and gives a lot of anxiety. I remember not having a good appetite, stressing about coming here but at last I just give it a go and two years later here I am. Still alive.

Last year I made a poem for myself and this year I don’t. I want something else. So I wrote this.
Being a young adult is never easy. It’s scary especially with people like me who happened to have anxiety and ocd. Believe me, you don’t want to be in my mind.

Right now I’m still figuring out what I want to be. What my future is. Whenever people ask me about my future plan I always answer them with anything that comes in mind subconsciously. I’m  never sure. I’m not.  

But with all of that, I’, so thankful for what I have, experience and blessing given to me. Thank you Ibu, Ayah for all the support. There’s nothing can replace all of your sacrifice to me, and all five of us. Thank you all of my teachers, especially Ustaz Rafis who mentored me from I’m 16 until now. May Allah bless your life and reward you with a happy life.

Being 21, I want to start wash away my worries over simple things, and insyAllah start making a video. Post a YouTube video because I always wanted to do that since I was 16 but never happened (never have gut) to published and upload a single video from all of recorded video of me talking to in front of a camera. I want to let go of things that scared me and face it time to time. This year is another year I’m going to pass my exam and slaying this real world.

And now, I know what I must do, and I’m going to continue doing what I have to do and last but not least, whatever happened or haw far I’d go… I still have a lot to learn. Wish me the best for that.

Thank you :)

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Choose happiness.

so today is the first of December. Also it's raining in the morning which marks my favorite season of the year; winter!

and it's a month before exam which the typical me... getting anxiety and freaking out over it. I don't know but I guess it's good to maintain my focus and study. Juggling with everything right now it still okay but i just felt i want more and still.. the 'more' is unknown. I'm still searching, still experimenting so that i will not worry on just wasting time or just being ordinary, doing the same thing over and over and not growing and experiencing new things.

so, i want to start this new chapter now, even it's not even new year yet. Wish me well.